


My sexuality is my sexuality

by AshStoryLover123



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Deleted Scenes, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23477704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshStoryLover123/pseuds/AshStoryLover123
Summary: Kartik and his father stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to choose. Even though, deep down, Aman knew he should stand in front of Kartik, to protect him from his father who was reopening trauma Kartik had never quite let go of, he just couldn’t bring himself to move towards either of them.Because then he’d have to make that choice he’d run from his entire life.Aman's perspective of Kartik's beating proceeded by him running away. My take on how the story could have played out if Aman had chosen to fight after that, instead of agreeing to the marriage.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 47





	1. One

Aman couldn’t stand it. The hopeless desperation Kartik desperately tried to conceal as the rod came down on him again.

And again.

By that point Aman’s heart had been torn to shreds. He’d done everything he could to avoid this. Kept these parts of his world separate. Kartik was supposed to be away, supposed to be safe. They’d had their one last hurrah when they’d kissed at the wedding.

Aman was supposed to fight this part of the battle alone, not that he’d been winning. But at least he’d known Kartik was safe.

But of course Kartik had come back, guns blazing, with a rainbow flag attached to his back because that’s how Kartik did anything.

Brazen. Outspoken. Undeniable. It was why Aman had fallen for him in the first place.

Aman barely registered the tears flowing down his own face, or the fact that the tight grip holding him back had slackened. Kartik had his arms open wide, allowing his vulnerability to shine through as he gazed at Aman with pleading eyes he’d never forget.

But then Aman’s gaze shifted to Shankar Tripathi. His father looked tired but he didn’t look like he’d been beaten as he fought to catch his breath.

None of them had really been beaten here.

Except Aman.

“Are you two done?”

He barely recognized his voice. It came out low, hollow even to his ears but carried through the courtyard nevertheless. Kartik hesitantly lowered his arms as his father glanced in his direction.

And in that moment Aman had never felt more alone, or more misunderstood. Kartik had been put through hell for being who he was, but he’d never had to make this choice. For all the darkness Kartik had seen, he’d still believed they’d had a chance for acceptance.

But the reason Aman had stayed away from Allahabad for so long, the reason he’d kept Kartik away from his family, had been the fact that deep down he’d always known.

He’d have to make this choice.

Kartik and his father stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to choose. Even though deep down Aman knew he should stand in front of Kartik, to protect him from his father who was reopening trauma Kartik had never quite let go of, he just couldn’t bring himself to move towards either of them.

Because then he’d have to make that choice he’d run from his entire life.

And so Aman ran away instead, ran even when he heard Kartik’s pained cry reach his ear again, ran even when the part of his heart that was Kartik’s and Kartik’s alone begged him to turn back.

Aman just couldn’t make that choice.

And of course Kartik now paid the price.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aman and Kusum talk about their future and Aman comes to an important realization.

Aman stared at the agreement before him. Maybe this was the only thing he and Kusum could do to gain some semblance of happiness. It felt like a coward’s way out but Aman was a coward. He couldn’t choose, not even when Kartik had been brutally beaten before his eyes.

He still hadn’t seen Kartik yet. Perhaps he’d finally left.

The door opened and Aman expected his parents, or even Goggle.

A part of him hoped it was Kartik.

But instead Kusum stood in the doorway. This Kusum that stood before him now was different. She wasn’t the love-struck fool she acted like in front of his parents, but neither was she the annoyingly chipper woman who’d proposed marriage to him on a bus.

This Kusum was dejected. Her shoulders slumped. Her eyes were fixed on the agreement in his hands.

The agreement that would decide their fates

“I need some time before I can sign it.” Aman said. He was just delaying the inevitable but he just couldn’t bring himself to agree to this farce of a marriage.

Something that had nothing to do with his family, or even with Kartik, was stopping him. His very conscience seemed to recoil from the words on the paper, like he’d commit a grave sin by signing it.

“You know you shouldn’t sign it,” Kusum said softly.

For a second, Aman thought he’d imagined the words he so desperately wanted to hear.

“I thought you were hell-bent on me agreeing to this marriage. What changed your mind,” Aman asked disbelievingly.

“Kartik,” she said simply.

Of course. Aman, despite his naturally careful and hesitant nature, had fallen in love with Kartik in a matter of weeks. He often wondered how anyone could ever bring themselves to dislike the man who seemed to radiate joy as easily as he breathed.

So naturally, despite everything, Kartik had managed to sneak his way into the hearts of his family even if some of them refused to accept it.

Aman sighed, dropping his head into his hands, letting the agreement fall to the floor.

“I know he doesn’t deserve this, any of this,” Aman started.

He tried and failed to contain the tremble in his voice as he spoke. Those pleading eyes flashed through his mind again and Aman resisted the urge to curl up into a ball and cry.

Aman had let him down. Badly.

“It wasn’t the beating that changed my mind Aman, it was what he said after,” she said.

Aman raised a brow, glancing up at her in question.

“He said that his sexuality was his sexuality, and none of our sexuality,” she said.

Of course, because even after being beaten by a wooden rod to the point of fainting, Kartik Singh wouldn’t go down without one last act of defiance.

That fire wouldn’t dim for anything.

Aman couldn’t help the small smile that crossed his face as Kusum, Kartik’s words played through his mind.

And suddenly it clicked.

This had never been about choosing between his family, and Kartik. This had never been about trading in one form of love for another.

Aman had been so focused on everyone that would be impacted by the choice he made, so focused on who he’d lose that he’d lost sight of what actually mattered.

What the actual choice had always been.

My sexuality is my sexuality. None of your sexuality.

The words rang in his ears like a mantra.

Even half delirious with pain, Kartik Singh always knew exactly what to say.

He glanced down at the agreement on the floor, before slowly picking it up. He read through it like he was reading it for the first time. Kartik’s face flashed through his mind, followed by his father, his mother. He clenched his teeth and forced it all aside. Kusum seemed to hold her breath beside him, sensing a shift in his thoughts.

And she gasped out loud as he ripped the agreement right down the center, letting the pieces fall to the floor. Kusum stared open mouthed as Aman stood up, stepping over the pieces before extending a hand to her.

“What’s the plan,” she asked cautiously.

She’d never seen this side of Aman. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. She was vividly reminded of Kartik, fearless and determined as the rainbow cape had billowed out behind him.

“We fight," Aman said simply.

Kusum couldn’t help but smile, even though she knew a wild storm lay ahead.

“For love,” she said.

Aman shook his head as she placed her hand in his.

“We fight for us.”


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happy ending I promised you guys, but it’ll take some work to get there. This chapter is from Kartik’s POV.

Kartik didn’t know what to expect when he stirred out of sleep. He’d half expected Shankar Tripathi to finish him off while he’d been asleep. He sat up slowly, fighting back a pained scream, as the bruises on his body seemed to come to life.

It took him a second to realize he wasn’t alone.

The entire Tripathi family stood before him. On one side of the cot he laid on stood Shankar, Sunaina, Goggle, and everyone else.

And on the other side stood Aman, hand firmly clasping a woman’s.

What had her name been? Sunita?

Kartik was positive he was hallucinating out of pain at this point.

Neither side of the family seemed to notice that he’d woken up. Deciding to keep his distance to avoid another beating, even if a part of him yearned to stand beside Aman, Kartik kept his mouth shut and watched.

“Beta so you’ve decided to marry Kusum then,” Sunaina said.

So that was her name. Wait, marriage?

Sunaina Tripathi couldn’t seem to contain her joy as she glanced between Aman and Kusum’s joined hands. It was like she was deliberately avoiding the storm that was brewing in Aman’s eyes. But Kartik knew Aman, knew what that look meant.

Ever since Shankar Tripathi had stumbled on them in that train compartment, Aman had looked tortured, like he was being pulled by strings on either end and it was tearing him apart day by day.

Aman had been terrified and insecure. It was why Kartik had come back, had taken that beating despite the old wounds it had reopened.

He’d do it a hundred times over for Aman.

But this Aman that stood before his family now was the Aman Kartik had fallen for, the man who always stood by what was right. Silent, unwavering and resilient.

So no matter what Aman had chosen, had thought to be right to fight for, Kartik promised himself that he’d find the strength in himself to be happy for him. Even if the thought of losing Aman made him want to crumple to the ground and rip his own heart out, he’d stand by Aman if that was what Aman chose.

All he’d ever wanted was for Aman to choose what was right for him, even if it wasn’t Kartik.

“I’ve decided,” Aman said.

A heavy pause filled the air. Kartik could tell Aman wasn’t nervous. He was just trying to choose the right words.

“I’ve decided that none of this is any of your business. I’ve decided that even though I love all of you, and I love Kartik, above all that, this is my life and just because I love all of you, I can’t let any of you dictate my life anymore,” Aman said firmly.

Kartik would have whistled if the tension in the air wasn’t suffocating. This was his Aman.

“I can’t marry Kusum. Neither of us would be happy with each other. I need to choose my happiness Papa, and that means I can’t hide the fact that I’m gay from this world.”

Tears were forming in Aman’s eyes as he took a step forward towards his father. Shankar Tripathi immediately stepped back, shock written across his features. At the heartbroken expression on Aman’s face, Kartik wanted to grab a hold of the older man’s collar and shake some sense into him.

“I know you want me to be happy. I can’t be happy if I can’t even be myself mama,” Aman said softly.

Sunaina Tripathi was crying but she still stood behind her husband, unyielding. Aman’s shoulders slumped, not in defeat but in sorrow. Then slowly he turned to Kartik.

Kartik couldn’t contain his tears as Aman stepped towards him. Aman’s hands cupped his face and he gently brought their foreheads together. Aman’s fingers shook as they played with hair at the nape of his neck. It was a silent apology for leaving him in that courtyard. Kartik let a soft smile cross his face, even as his heart broke for Aman.

He’d hoped, prayed Aman wouldn’t have to lose his family at the end of this but evidently it had all been for naught.

Aman abruptly drew back, eyes shining with tears. He held out a hand, and Kartik took it, moving to stand beside him. His bruised legs however wouldn’t allow him to stand so easily so Aman slid Kartik’s arm across his shoulder. His arm encircled Kartik’s waist, his hand tightening on Kartik’s hand on his shoulder.

For a second they glanced at each other, and Aman’s eyes held so much love it took Kartik’s breath away. There was also a fierceness there, like Aman would reach the ends of the world for them if need be. Tightening his grip on Kartik‘s hand, Aman turned back to his parents.

“Our sexuality is our sexuality. None of yours, or anyone else’s,” Aman said firmly.

“That’s my line yaar,” Kartik said lightly.

A small smile appeared on Aman’s face as he turned them around to head back home. A hand landing on Aman’s shoulder stopped them both. They turned to face Goggle, who immediately enveloped Aman in her arms.

“I’m so proud of you. Proud to call you both my brothers,” she said firmly.

Kartik couldn’t contain the tears that slipped down his face as Goggle claimed him as family. He brought up his free hand to pull her into a tight hug. When he drew back, he noticed a real smile on Aman’s face.

It faded though as Goggle stepped back to rejoin the rest of the family. They still hadn’t moved.

“Can I say something now?”

Kartik had almost forgotten Kusum was still here. She stepped forward now, stopping in front of Sunaina. She extended a small bag with bangles and other jewelry in it. Sunaina looked down at it blankly.

“You don’t have to accept him today but don’t push him away forever. You’ll be breaking both his heart and yours,” Kusum said softly.

She handed over the jewelry before heading towards the front door. She briefly stopped at their side, a grim smile on her face before leaving them.

“I guess it’s time we leave too,” Aman said slowly.

His voice trembled. The grip on Kartik’s hand had become tighter, knuckles white like Kartik was the only thing grounding him at this point. Kartik didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t bear to see Aman like this, couldn’t bear to leave Allahabad like this. He looked around helpless before his eyes fixed on Shankar Tripathi’s.

In the courtyard he’d seen a man burning with hatred, eager to destroy something he believed to have corrupted his son.

But this man before him now was just a heartbroken father.

Kartik wrenched himself out of Aman’s grip, fighting to keep himself steady on his feet. Aman let out a noise of protest, and he was at his side in seconds as Kartik faced Aman’s father.

But this time he wasn’t here for fancy speeches to erase homophobia.

He was here to make one final attempt to fix a family that was about to break forever. Kartik had had enough with broken families.

“Please.”

At the word, Shankar Tripathi’s head snapped up.

“Kartik you don’t have to,” Aman started.

“I’m not going to let you lose your family too. Not if I have any say in it,” Kartik replied firmly.

Aman fell silent before shifting slightly so Kartik could lean against him.

“I love your son, more than I could ever tell you in words. I promised myself I’d do anything to make him happy and so I’m begging you. Please don’t push him away. I’ve lost my family. The hurt never goes away. Don’t put my Aman through the same thing, Kartik said.

Aman shook with silent sobs beside him before turning to bury his head in Kartik’s shoulder. Kartik brought a hand up to card through Aman’s hair. His eyes however remained fixed on Aman’s family, trying to make them see how much he loved their son.

He’d shift worlds for Aman but Kartik didn’t know how he could win this.

“You can hate me all you want. Whatever disgust your feel towards our relationship, you can direct towards me until you get used to the idea of us. I don’t care. Just try and accept your son,” Kartik pressed.

Kartik hated how desperate he sounded. He’d always had pride and after everything his father had done, he’d vowed to himself to not grovel, to not be helpless like that ever again.

But Aman came before any of that. Aman came before anything, pride be damned.

Still none of them moved. Kartik’s hopes died in his chest. His mind scrambled for something, anything further he could do, but came up short.

He had Aman but he still couldn’t help but feel like he’d lost.

Aman drew back and faced Kartik, bringing up a hand to cup his cheek. Kartik mouthed an apology to Aman, but Aman just shook his head before facing his family one final time.

“You’d have to be blind to not see that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Surely that comes before anything else,” Aman said softly.

Kartik’s face was wet with tears as Aman turned them around to head back to their home.

It was Sunaina Tripathi’s voice that stopped them.

“Wait.”

The smallest tendril of hope bloomed in Kartik’s chest. He turned so quickly he almost lost his balance.

She brushed past her husband before stopping before Aman, taking her son’s face between her two palms. Tears streamed down her face. Aman shook like a leaf in the wind beside him as he stared at his mother with unabashed hope.

Kartik silently begged every deity he believed in to let this be a new beginning.

“I’m so-.” Sunaina started.

Aman pulled his mother into his arms before she could even finish. Aman was sobbing hard enough that it physically hurt Kartik to watch. Sunaina Tripathi wrapped her arms around her son as tightly as she could.

Kartik looked away to see that the rest of the family now surrounded them. Goggle joined the hug, putting an arm around both of them. Keshav soon joined in followed by everyone else.

Well everyone except Shankar Tripathi.

As the family drew back, Kartik expected the man to look at his son but Shankar Tripathi only looked at him with an unreadable expression.

Kartik squeezed Aman’s hand nervously as a tense silence filled the air.

Shankar eventually broke the silence with words that seemed to physically pain him.

“It’ll take me time to get used to this,” he said slowly.

“We have time,” Kartik said quickly.

“He loves you,” Shankar said quietly.

“And I love him,” Kartik replied.

Another beat of silence. Kartik’s heart was in his throat as Shankar Tripathi glanced between them, before fixing on their joined hands. Kartik moved to let go, but Aman kept their hands tightly locked.

“I guess that really does come before anything else,” Shankar Tripathi finally conceded.

It took a shocked second for Aman and Kartik to process his words. Aman let go of his hand then to throw his arms around his father. Kartik fought to hold back his tears as he watched.

But Kartik broke down as Sunaina Tripathi hesitantly put an arm around him to keep him on his feet without Aman to lean on. Goggle grinned at him as she swung an arm around both of them.

As the sun rose over the house, illuminating the terrace they stood on, Kartik couldn’t help the smile on his face.

After all this, they’d finally won.

As Aman drew away from his father, Kartik caught his eye. The sheer joy in it took his breath away and in that moment, Kartik Singh felt invincible.

The world could throw anything at them. They would weather that storm together too.

They had a family now.


End file.
